I'm so SICK of getting hurt.

I'm tired of getting my damn heart thrown around.

This is all shit. ALL OF IT.

First dates.

Fun.

:)

How many times do you have to fall before you learn not to climb that ladder?

I'm worth more than the way I let them treat me. But even saying it ALOUD doesn't get it through.

Over

and over

and OVER

It seems almost masochistic.

I knew it was over this time early...but it still stung to hear it said out loud.

I'll sleep....and I'll be ok tomorrow....or at least I'll drown that feeling in the bubbling vat of emotions I've kept stewing for the last few years until I figure out how to deal.

Hi, I'm an emotional bomb. Wanna be friends?

It's quite possibly the worst feeling in the world to know that someone doesn't respect you.

Perhaps worse to know it's all on you.

Somewhere along the way....I lost respect for myself.

And that's the saddest of all.

So I heard this song for the first time today.

It's one of those tunes that pulls at your heart.

The best songs are the ones you love but don't attatch to anyone or anything or any experience you've had. I guess this one's kind of like that for me...

and on the other hand...it makes me miss the way I used to be happy. It reminds me that I won't ever be that girl again. That you can't go back and freeze sections of your life to relive. That it's not really about that anyway.

And I just can't wait to be ok.

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
Would it matter anyway?
Would it change how you feel?

I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

Sometimes the things I say
In moments of disarray
Succumbing to the games we play
To make sure that it's real

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could learn to feel

When it's just me and you
Who knows what we could do
If we can just make it through
The toughest part of the day

But everything changes
If I could
Turn back the years
If you could
Learn to forgive me
Then I could
Learn how to feel
Then we could
Stay here together
And we could
Conquer the world
If we could
Say that forever
Is more than just a word

If you just walked away
What could I really say?
And would it matter anyway?
It wouldn't change how you feel